Taking care of a child is a very rewarding job. Also, bonding with them makes you feel good, comfortable and relaxed. They are very silly and fun to be with, that’s why you instantly become happy too. Their innocence is amazing. But there will come a time when everything will go sideways. The jolly, fun, and sometimes clever young kid that you have come to know and have a good time with will eventually turn 8 and become a tween, in which case you will experience parenting hell.

Ah, yes. H-E-L-L. This is the time that your child will be more emotionally aware and intellectually developed, which is a good thing, really. This will be the time that they are growing rapidly, both in terms of their body and their mind. This is what we call the transition period to becoming an adolescent. They are growing a bit too fast, and it will be evident. They may be learning things a bit too much that they are not prepared for it emotionally and lash out unexpectedly. This is called tween anger.

How do you deal with your tween’s anger issues then? First, we need to know the signs that your tween may have anger issues:

- Recurrent lash outs, even over minor things

- Trouble calming down and explaining feelings when frustrated or upset (your kid might even hyperventilate)

- Recourses to using physical violence such as hitting, fighting, kicking, shouting, spitting, swearing, tantrums

- Doesn’t care about animals’ or other people’s feelings

- Doesn’t accept responsibility for his hostility; blames other people (sometimes other kids)

- Needs reminders, persuading or warnings to control the kid’s temper

- Has trouble bouncing back from frustrations

- Acts recklessly

- Holds in feelings

- Talks, writes or draws about violence

- Acting aggressively towards others

 

1. TRIAL AND ERROR

This may be an age-old way of dealing with things (with everything really) but it has been proven time and time again that this method is just as effective (or maybe even better) than other ones.

As one expert on parenting, Dr. Michele Borba said, “Each child is different so it’s best to use the trial and error approach: teach a strategy and then watch to see how your child responds. If the strategy and your child seem to “click” then focus on that one technique by practicing it again and again until your child can use it alone. That may take some time-after all you are helping your child change a habit-so hang in there.”

Hang in there, just hang in there.

 

2. LET YOUR CHILD HAVE A BIT OF AUTHORITY

Dr. Kevin Leman, a world-renown Christian psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, radio and television personality, and speaker calls this “reality discipline”. Your child is growing intellectually and emotionally. There will come a time when you will naturally grant him more responsibility so he will grow into a good and responsible adult. This comes in handy when he is given money and wants to spend it on a cheap and easily broken toy. You can choose to let the consequences of his choice speak for himself. You can then spare yourself a tantrum and most probably he will grow into a calm and thoughtful adult who does not allow emotions to rule his life.

 

3. ALWAYS SET A GOOD AND WONDERFUL EXAMPLE

This time, it’s all about you. Time to be the role model every parent has ever dreamed of ever becoming. What adults do, children will try to do too. This means the way you handle your own anger will of course have an effect in how your tween handles his own. You show him a very awesome way of coping with anger. Do something that calms you down. Your child will be likely to do it too.

 

4. STOP! AND BREATHE

Whenever your child gets angry again, teach your child to inhale slowly, pause for a bit, and breathe out slowly. Repeat the action to achieve maximum relaxations and reduces the stress level of your child.

 

5. JUST HUMOR IT OUT

When your child has another tantrum moment, or has a temper outburst, just tell a joke. Humor it out. Tell a knock-knock joke, or any other one that’s funny and age appropriate enough for your kid. The more relevant the joke, the better. This will shift his focus from his anger to laughter. You might even have a good laugh too!

 

Those were 5 tips. Don’t limit yourself to these tips only. There are other things that you can try or do to control your tween when he gets angry. Just remember, if your child is angry, make him not angry!